woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
