Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
