Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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