; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
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You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
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You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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