I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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