dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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