just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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