He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize