i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
