Whod you bang
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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