Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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