Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
