then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
