I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
