Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize