I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
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The strip club called, they have your shoe.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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