I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
