i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
