Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
