i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize