Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
