I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
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Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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