I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
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Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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