I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died