I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.