im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
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think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.