Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.