i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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