I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
