she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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