she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
