I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
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Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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