take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
