dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
high people should be assigned attendants
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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