just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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