and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize