This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
they're like a gay fantastic four
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
