would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
