My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
