After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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