my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
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