She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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