he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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