All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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