Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
