Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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