the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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