is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Bring me that man meat
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
