The maid of honor just puked.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
