blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
