Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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