Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
