I'm so fucking centered right now
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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